Finding a good CP is like looking for Mr. Right

Searching for a compatible critique partners is like trying to find your soul mate. For reals.

I’ve decided that I need to find a critique partner or two. I’ve been so wrapped up in the writer-as-a-solitary-activity thing. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. I see friends who are very successful writers and have an AMAZING crit partner relationship. They have someone who cheers them on, brainstorms ideas, tells them when they are acting insane, all the things I’d want in a writing buddy. You know those folks whose parent’s have incredible and loving marriages? They often grow up and expect the same in their own relationships, having experienced it. That’s how I feel about a CP relationship. I’ve seen the incredible partnerships of several writers, including friends Elisabeth Naughton and Joan Swan. I have seen the good, and I want it.

So I decided to go on the hunt. If I’m left to my own devices, I stall, procrastinate, etc. Maybe if I had someone to keep tabs on me, and had someone to keep tabs on myself, I may be more successful. This week, I reached out to a couple of people looking for CPs. Holy moly it’s like online dating! The hope, the curiosity, the anxiety. The parallels are endless.

With both online dating and CP searching, you’re first and foremost looking for compatibility. Are you looking to date or trying to find a spouse? Do you want a CP to just edit your current WIP, or do you want someone who will be a partner in your career? Then there’s the content compatibility. Can you and your significant other enjoy an evening of American Idol? Will your CP love reading 50,000 words of a romantic comedy, or do they only read paranormal? Compatibility is important.

You’re hunting around on OkCupid ads, or critique partner listings on the Romance Writers’ Community. It’s easy to bypass most listings because immediately there’s something you find incompatible. Maybe they don’t want kids, but you do. Maybe they write short stories, but you only like single title length romance. But then magic happens! Someone catches your eye. You read about their favorite books, movies, music, romance genres. You seem to have some things in common and you want to take it to the next level.

First contact. Writing that initial message can be stressful. You want to make a good impression, test your compatibility, and leave things for the other person to respond to – extending the conversation. Writing that first message on OkCupid is nerve-wracking for me most of the time. I rarely initiate contact with someone, but when I do it’s because I’m sincerely interested. Putting myself out there to be judged is anxiety producing. Trying to find a significant author is stressful enough, but looking for a CP? Yowza! That’s even more challenging. That’s sharing intimacy on a whole new level – sharing your words, thoughts, creations.

So you write them, then wait. Are they dating someone else? Did they give up hope and stop signing in to the dating site? Did they already find their writing soul mate and they are off in line editing land? But then you hear back and they are interested! YAY! Happy dance! Okay, game on. But…now what? I think that’s the hardest part of all. Often you meet people organically and it (dating or critique partnering) just slowly develops. But when you’re creeping around the internet looking for someone, you have to be intentional and push things along.

That’s where I get stuck, trying to figure out how to build that relationship. Do you chat for a bit? Set up a coffee date? Send off a chapter to see if you like each other’s writing? Do a brainstorming session via instant messenger to see if you click? So many options!

Do you have a critique partner? How did you find them? What are your tips for establishing a relationship?